Do you feel bored in your present relationship?
• When looking at your partner are your thoughts,” why am I with them?”
• Does Instagram, snap chat and Facebook get you thinking there’s something better out there?
Men and women, women and women, men and men after being together for a while may start to get into what is called a “rut.” Unappreciated, not heard, alone and just plan “bored.” How can that be with all this knowledge of places to go people to see right at your fingertips? Maybe the two of you have been doing separate activities and when you get together maybe you both are texting other people or watching TV. Believe it or not “quality” time is more important than “quantity” time.
• First step is to recognize that this is “temporary”
• Snap chat, Instagram, Facebook, etc. isn’t reality
• Life is meant to have ups and downs to help us appreciate the “ups.”
• Let this motivate you to ‘rekindle” the flame
Hypothetical Scenerio:
One day you look over at your spouse watching TV and you think, what I am doing with this person? Yuck. “Relationship Boredom.” All he does is watch TV or get on the computer when he comes home from a long day at work. Where do I fit in? Oh no, then you look at yourself and say I’m doing the same thing. What happened to the flowers he used to bring, or the surprise outings we used to do? They are gone with the wind.
Response #1
The woman feels neglected, unattractive, and unappreciated. As the man stares obliviously at the TV or computer, the woman feels compelled to shot out her “thoughts.” “You always come home and ignore me.” Immediately the man hears the tone, and volume unable to make out the words. He turns to the woman in silence not knowing how to respond since he did not hear the “words.” She then repeats herself increasing the ‘intensity’ of her words and her frustration. The man interprets this to mean, “you’re an awful person because you can’t do anything right.” The fight escalates.
Response #2
The man comes home from work says, “Hi.” The woman who was watching something ‘important’ on TV, keeps her head down as she says “Hi” back. The man heads for his computer thinking, “this would be a good time to read the news.” Five minutes later the woman decides she wants to find out how the man’s day was and proceeds to get no response. Feeling unheard (literally) for the umpteenth time she decides to go for a walk with her dog. When she comes back the man is still on the computer. Still feeling invisible the woman goes about her business doing “her own thing.”
Solutions:
Man: Needs to realize that just because you have “won” your woman does NOT mean the courting has ended. Most women want to be courted. Basically “pay special attention to your woman in an attempt to win her support or favor.” Look up “courting” or read the book “The Love Dare” to get some ideas.
Woman: Needs to realize that men ‘cannot’ read women’s minds and that sometimes they need to be told what you want and need. When you let them know please don’t be upset with them because you had to tell him. You may need to write some things down for the man since they are visual creatures.
Something to consider the next time you start comparing your life to Instagram and Snap Chat:
Studies done by the National Institutes of Health (published in the April 2016 issue of Depression and Anxiety) and a U.K. study indicate that Instagram, chap chat, etc. may influence mood in a negative way.