• Do you feel bored in your present relationship?
• When looking at your partner are your thoughts,” why am I with them?”
• Does Instagram, snap chat and Facebook get you thinking there’s something better out there?
Men and women, women and women, men and men after being together for a while may start to get into what is called a “rut.” Unappreciated, not heard, alone and just plan “bored.” How can that be with all this knowledge of places to go people to see right at your fingertips? Maybe the two of you have been doing separate activities and when you get together maybe you both are texting other people or watching TV. Believe it or not “quality” time is more important than “quantity” time.
• First step is to recognize that this is “temporary”
• Snap chat, Instagram, Facebook, etc. isn’t reality
• Life is meant to have ups and downs to help us appreciate the “ups.”
• Let this motivate you to ‘rekindle” the flame
Hit “He thought; She said” to read a scenario of a couple who was able to re-ignite their flame. Find out what he thought she said and how they ignited their relationship.
- Do you feel “disconnected” from your partner in this “connected” world?
- Are you in a “relationship” yet feel alone?
- When you talk to your partner are they also using an electronic device?
- Are you wanting intimacy and only getting sex (if that)?
Men and women, women and women, men and men. If it is an intimate partnership they are all the same when it comes to having difficulty feeling “connected.” People think that having sex is intimacy. Believe it or not it is a “part” of intimacy. Intimacy is tenderness, closeness, understanding, and most of all “friendship.”
With the internet supposedly getting everyone more connected and reaching out to more people it is giving people the ‘illusion’ of becoming ‘closer’ then they really are. This is a problem in today’s society. People jump into a relationship just as quickly as they are jumping out.
And why not. Just tune into the internet on your phone or computer and find someone else at the drop of a “finger tap.” Do you want to become more “emotionally” connected and have better sex?
Excerpts from Part 2 of my book: Meeting People; It’s Not A Game
Footsteps to Healthy Relationships:
Hit “He thought; She said” to find out the secret to intimacy.
- Is your partner’s slogan: My way or the Highway?
- Is this an issue?
- Who’s Right? Does it matter?
Women and men are unique creatures. As Dale Carnegie puts it, “When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bustling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.” Technology may be advancing however humans are “creatures of habit.” This doesn’t mean we can’t modify our behavior or be more “mindful.” When you come home does your partner tell you what to do, where to go and what not to do? When you start talking are you cut off with an immediate “no?” If that sound like your relationship, read some solutions below:
- First step is both of you need to be mindful
- For 24 hrs. both of you write down everything you say to your partner
- Then read it and ask yourself how you would react to someone who speaks and acts that way
- Where a colored rubber band around your write to remind you to think respectfully and positive about your partner
- Use humor
Hit “He thought; She said” to read a scenario of a couple wondering “who’s the boss?” Find out what he thought she said and how they handled it.
- Is your partner voting for the same presidential candidate?
- Does it matter?
- Are you wanting to talk politics and be heard by your partner?
This 2016 Presidential campaign has brought on more spice then we might want. The Never Trumpers, Black Lives Matter, and an inundation of news on who to vote for. What do you do when your partner is Democratic and you are Republican or vice versa? This happens more then you know. Do you get a divorce, do you separate, stop dating or do you not talk about politics? People personalize their candidate. What that means is that if you take a punch at their candidate they believe and feel as though you are taking a punch at them just like in sports. If you are a Texan fan; living and breathing football then if someone says something against your team or they lose to another team it affects your mood. The same can happen with politics.
- First and foremost; Don’t take it personally
- Avoid topic and wait to talk to friends and family that agree with you
- Wait and discuss when out with couples who have diverse political views
- When talking politics with partner; Be open to listen
- Use distraction. If the topic starts to boil, take off some clothes or change the subject
- Use humor
“The important thing to remember is that everything is “temporary,” and that this too shall pass on Nov. 8th.”
Something to think about:
“John Alford, a political science professor at Rice University says that liberals and conservatives brains are wired differently and that is why it is difficult to mix Red with Blue.”
Hit “Hethoughtshesaid” to read a scenario of a couple discussing who should be president. Find out what he thought she said and how they handled it.
- Are you married or have a partner?
- Are you wanting to be romanced?
- Are you wanting to have sex with your partner?
Technology may have become the best contraceptive ever. Think about it. Couples are texting instead of talking and working on computers in bed instead of “working on each other.” What has happened to the “joy of sex?” Has it been thrown out the window like the trash or has technology become the new sex. Texting has become the new “Talking,” so why not Technology taking the place of sex. You have heard of “sexting.” It reminds me of the movie Demolition man staring Sandra Bullock and Sylvester Stallone in a scene where Stallone thinks he is going to have sex with Bullock only to find out that that “Sex” had been outlawed. What had taken its place was “virtual reality sex” using a helmet.
What’s happened to the ‘romance’, the ‘fun’ and the ‘sex?’
- 1st and foremost “Put down the devices.”
- Spend quality time together
- Set aside a time for Pillow Talk (Talk and listen)
Hit “He thought; She said” to read a scenario of a couple “wanting sex.” Find out what he thought she said and how they handled it.
- Are you married or have a partner
- Are you wanting to be heard and appreciated
- But for some reason you feel like you’re just existing
People want to be heard and appreciated. When people have been together for a while, the other person becomes “old hat.” You get used to each other and may start taking each other for granted. Not in a negative way just when something or someone is constantly available it gets “old.” For example when a man and a woman are sitting at home and decide “we need to engage more.” Their usual evening consisted of coming home saying “hi” to each other and then going right to the kitchen to get food. Of course once you get the food it needs to be eaten while watching “mindless” TV. So both of you sit in chairs on opposite ends of the living room, eating and watching TV mindlessly. This activity lasts of course until you go to bed. One of you may even stay up later and watch the TV, so you go to bed alone. Sometimes because of snoring or problems sleeping you may even go into a separate room. The next day you both look at each other while getting ready for work or getting on with your day. You both pass by each other yet again to say “hi” and then go about your business.
What happened to the “Positive Attention”, the passionate kisses, the laughing, it’s gone like the wind.
- Prioritize your daily life activities
- Eliminate the negative, cumbersome or unnecessary things in your day
- Find something fun that the two of you both like doing and ‘do it’
- Do a ‘change up”; doing the same old thing gets boring
- Eliminate distractions
The most important thing is: “Change your environment to help motivate you to get you what you want and where you need to go.”
Hit “He thought; She said” to read a scenario of a couple “wanting attention.” Find out what he thought she said and how they handled it.
- Are you married or have a partner?
- Love your spouse/partner?
- But for some reason just aren’t in sync.
Let me explain. You wake up in the morning smiling saying this is going to be a great day; I love my life and my spouse/partner. Then all of a sudden your spouse/partner opens their mouth and something inside of you starts to cringe. Yes, you begin to get irritated just by their voice or words. This is when it is time to get in sync.
Haven’t you ever heard, “timing is everything?” Well the same goes for when you are married or with a partner. Think of yourself going down Westheimer in Houston or any major street that is filled with traffic lights. One day you happen to get all the green lights and another day you hit all the red. How do you feel when you hit all the green lights? Great, at ease, as though you have just beat the lights. That is what we want and strive for in relationships.
Solution focused is the way to help eliminate anxiety and spice up the situation in a positive way. The problem is “what is the solution.” Well, it is different for everyone. Today a few solutions will be discussed for you to pick from.
People and therapists are always talking about your need to communicate better. What in the heck does that mean??? Well, what really needs to happen is people need to “relate” – a major aspect of this is “timing” not so much words. Think about it. If someone is in a bad mood no matter what wonderful words you say or how you say it won’t make the situation any better. Well maybe a little. This is one aspect of what we are talking about in timing.
- Read body language before relating
- Know when your partner is in their best mood in the AM or PM
- Communicate/converse when doing a ‘fun’ activity together
- Leave the scene when you’re feeling negative (please let the partner know you will be back)
- Write bullet points of what you said so you both can “see” and “hear” it
Hit “He thought; She said” to read a scenario of a couple “not in sync.” Find out what he thought she said and how they handled it.